Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
