I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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