just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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