I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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