FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hippo gnu deer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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