that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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