4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
