What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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