508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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