Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
