She said her name was "party"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
