I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She bit a glass in half.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
