Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
