The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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