Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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