Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
