she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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