I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
