Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
