I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
