you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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