I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
