i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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