I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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