Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Non-Jews are for practice
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
