she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
