You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
