So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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