let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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