I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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