If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
