Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
