I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
