I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
