My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
