You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
