Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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