can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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