I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
