***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
