first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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