Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
