i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
