I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
