Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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