..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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