The brown eye won't let me do that either.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
