Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
