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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
