i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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